Kansas win means there’s a new No.1 in college football’s last 10
[Editor’s note: The 2021 college football season has Week 1 behind it, and that means a shake-up in the Bottom 10.]
Inspirational thought of the week:
I don’t wanna be a fool for you
Just another player in your game for two
You may hate me but that’s not a lie
Baby bye bye bye
I don’t really wanna make it difficult
I just wanna tell you that I have had enough
It may sound crazy but it’s not a lie
Baby bye bye bye
— “Goodbye goodbye,” ‘N Sync
Here at Bottom 10 headquarters, located in a tunnel in the abandoned Dallas warehouse where a group of people in costume just appeared suddenly rummaging through boxes for old Big Eight logos, we have always supported that the biggest aspect of writing Bottom 10 comes in the reward of seeing a longtime regular team finally do what they always dreamed of: winning. That’s why on Friday night, when the then-first / last-ranked Kansas Jayhawks won for the first time in 679 days, I ran into my hotel parking lot and tried to bring down a Bradford pear tree. like it was a memorial. Stadium goal post.
A day later, we experienced the setback of this life, that weird, sad feeling when a longtime familiar face is pushed out of the Last 10 Cinematic Universe like Regina George on an oncoming bus. Then, when you realize that the fired person is Randy Edsall, it’s not sad. It’s just strange. It’s no secret that Bottom 10 and Coach Edsall have had our differences over the years. Like many forced relationships, ours got a bit sour. And we felt guilty about it until we realized we weren’t alone.
But hey, that’s what happens when you lose a lot. And that’s also what happens when someone tramples on life barely less cuddly than a spool of industrial-sized barbed wire.
With apologies to Joseph Glidden, Dan Orlovsky and Steve Harvey, here are the Top 10 for week 1 2021.
1. I can’t (0-2)
Randy Edsall Charm School finally scored points for the first time since November 30, 2019 on Friday, ending a 643-day drought. Sadly, New England FCS neighbor Holy Cross scored more. On Sunday, UConn and Edsall announced that the coach would retire at the end of the season, presumably on a victory lap retirement tour, where he would be showered with freebies such as plaques and rocking chairs. On Monday it was announced that Edsall would be stepping down immediately, likely because he realized he was more likely to be covered in eggs and tomatoes, especially when the Huskies traveled to …
2. UMess (0-1)
The Minutemen opened their 2021 campaign by being edged out by Pitt 51-7. Sources told the Bottom 10 JortsCenter press office that what should have been a very sad return flight to Amherst turned into “Soul Plane 2” when they heard the news from Edsall, calling on the pilot to make Storrs sound like Maverick by the Miramar control. tower.
3. Phew Mexico (0-2)
Hopefully the Other Aggies don’t take a wrong turn in Albuquerque as they arrive in town for the 116th Annual Battle of I-25 against their rival New Mexico. At no point in his more than two-decade head coaching career has Randy Edsall faced New Mexico or the State of New Mexico. It’s strange because New Mexico is the land of enchantment and he has always been so enchanting.
4. Boiling green (0-1)
The Brown Falcons, who infamously rode Randy Edsall’s 2015 Maryland Terrapins 48-27 to initiate a slide that ultimately led to his midseason dismissal, didn’t look horrible against Tennessee on Rocky Top. I mean, the team didn’t look awful. These uniforms, however, yes. This week, they’ll be playing what we thought was the undercard of the week’s pillow fight, hosting redundancies from southern Alabama, but the United States! Jags has taken a surprisingly large bite from the last 10 Southern Missed waiting lists.
Every ranked team in the ACC – Clemson, North Carolina and Miami – lost, and four other teams – Duke, Georgia Tech, Florida State and Louisville – either lost games they shouldn’t have or lost. had a possible failure. their fingers or had half the list kicked out for targeting. It was the perfect tribute to Randy Edsall’s three years in the league, leading Maryland to a 13-24 record, with the ACC Atlantic Division finishing sixth, fifth and fifth, and a final loss to Marshall in the military bowl.
East Tennessee State Buccaneers vs. Vanderbilt Commodores: Full Highlights
6. Vanderbilt Dresser Doors (0-1)
Van-duh-built, who is set to face the team formerly coached by infamous cranky Randy (Edsall) on October 2, lost to FCS East Tennessee State School, aka the team currently coached by famous Randy (Sanders) .
7. Bowels of the temple (0-1)
The Owls, who beat Randy Edsall’s 2018 and 2019 UConn teams by a combined score of 126-24, fell to the former Rutgers’ former last 10 mainstay 61-14. That sets up this Saturday’s pillow fight of the week when TU heads to …
8. Akron-monious (0-1)
The Zips, named after what Randy Edsall did from Phoenix Airport after his UConn team had just played the biggest game in school history, lost to Auburn 60-10 . What seemed like a three-team race for the bottom rung of #MACtion is now reduced to two, Boiling Green and Akron, as northern Illinois entered Atlanta and threw Georgia Tech on that pile of ACC losses. In related news, Northern Illinois was in the same Atlanta hotel I was staying at for Miami-Alabama, and the Huskies circled me in the elevator like Hydra did to Steve Rogers, except I’m not a great soldier, so I accepted that maybe I could cut them some slack in the bottom 10 if they win. And they did. Plus, I was totally dressed like Steve Rogers because I had just returned from Dragon Con.
9. Old Duh-Minions (0-1)
The Old Dominion football team, which were due to play against the UConn team in 2020 before Edsall cut the season, appeared during Marty and McGee from Saturday morning, with Old Dominion the country group on the set as guests. We showed “highlights” from ODU’s 42-10 loss to Wake Forest in an effort to shamelessly promote Bottom 10. Then I asked frontman Matt Ramsey if people often wanted to know if the band had gone to school in Old Dominion. He said yes, but then quickly added, “They’ll perform badly and then we’ll have on our Twitter, ‘Dude, you suck!’” I looked and one of those Twitter nicknames was @EdsallIsTheMan.
10. Kansas Nayhawks (1-0)
Did I mention the part where their victory was three points over FCS, also led by South Dakota? And did I mention I knocked myself out while trying to chop down the tree in the hotel parking lot?
Waiting list: LS-Ouf, Southern Missed, ULM (pronounced “Ulm”) unLv, FI (not A) U, Temple Bowels, Georgia State Not Southern, Ill-ugh-noise, US (not C) F, By The Time I Get To Arizona, Texas State Armadillos, Yew-tah State, South Alabama Redundancys, COVID-19.